Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
