I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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