My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
