Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
