I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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