You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
