dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're too hungover to prance.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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