So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
