Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
