i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize