how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
