my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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