yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize