he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
