Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
