you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
