i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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