i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
