god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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