do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
