11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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