In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
