watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
