it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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