They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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