Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
