Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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