so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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