she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
