So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
BRING THE BAGELS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
