He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
