You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
