I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
