Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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