i barfeds in our rink
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
