I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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