I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
