I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
