is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize