is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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