Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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