dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
