her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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