Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
