Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize