In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
