I heard we made out
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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