As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont even know how to be here
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
