Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
