I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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