why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
