barbara walters just said penis...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
