You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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