you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
