I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
