her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
