Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
