So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
