I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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