The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
