My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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