This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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