so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
