Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Small penises have feelings too.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
