$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
