i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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