So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think weed is turning my hair brown
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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