Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
