How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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