I could have mohawked her pubes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
