No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
