So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just cropdusted the office
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When are your genitals available?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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