whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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