I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
