??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize