we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
