I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
