I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
