is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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