I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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