I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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