The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
