How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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