my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
