those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
