There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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