Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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