So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
