ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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