She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
