I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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