Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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