He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
