Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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