I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
