Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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