Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
