Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
