Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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