Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
