Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
