If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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